I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
