Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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