at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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