Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
