if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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