I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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