Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There r osticjed everywhere
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
