you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
