The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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