i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
