I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
time to smoke my breakfast
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
