drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
