Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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