just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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