Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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