he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
