Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The beer is more important than you right now.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My dick has a subreddit
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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