he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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