At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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