You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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