my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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