Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I FOUND THE LEGS
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
