At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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