Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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