you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
