and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
