Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
