Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I need a burrito and a hug.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
