is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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