My cat gives me a boner
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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