I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
