In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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