I can't watch pbs sober anymore
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
