i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
