he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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