why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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