is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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