Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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