I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
