Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
