I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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