so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
