i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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