Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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