I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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