I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
