I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
