xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
