I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
