clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
