Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize