Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
