i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
