Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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