I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
