apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
