his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
