I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
is it fun? or sober?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
