Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
