I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
