Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
