Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
