You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize