we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
