I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
