I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
