I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
