WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
