i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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