So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Help me help you realize you are a moron
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize