..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
